Live Positive Lifestyle Coaching, LLC

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How to Work Through Tough Relationships. — July 26, 2018

How to Work Through Tough Relationships.

Let’s talk about relationships.  The first thing that probably comes to mind when someone says “relationship” is probably your romantic relationship.  But there are so many other relationships in our lives.  We have brothers, sisters, parents, friends and even co-workers that you have relationships with.

Relationship can tend to be frustrating.  You may get frustrated when the people you interact with each and every day don’t do what you think is best.  It could be a co-worker that you are explaining something to and after you leave they find a different way to it that suits them, but you don’t see it the way they do.  Or your kids that you give advice to and they refuse to listen or do the opposite you say. Or a communication issue with your parents.  All of these scenarios can leave you wanting to scream or pull your hair out.  Can I get an Amen?  I have two boys enough said.

But what I am going to share with you today is going to save your sanity.  Drop all expectations.  It’s that simple.  It’s when you expect someone to do what you say or that you want to control the situation that you tend to feel frustrated.  Everyone on this earth has the right to be who they want to be and do what they want to do.   You get to choose how you want to feel about that person.  Let me give you some examples.

If you have a family member or a friend that you are constantly inviting to gatherings and they are always busy doing something else, you may tend to start to think this person doesn’t care.  You start feeling angry, sad, frustrated or disappointed.  These are all normal responses because we expect that if you invite someone to an event that they would want to come.  When they don’t you start to tell yourself stories, in your mind.  These stories you tell your self are what creates the feelings you are having.  The best way to combat these feelings is to let the person be who they want to be.  You cannot change them.  You can always extend the invitation but have no expectations tied to their response. This will not only create a more peaceful mind for you but more peace in your relationship.  That is what makes this so great and awesome.  You get to decide how you want to feel.

Another example: If your child, son or daughter, ends up in prison or dealing with a drug addiction, as a parent the first thing you want to do is start evaluating what you did wrong.  But who says you did anything wrong?  That is when you get to let them make their own choices and face their own consequences.  You can feel empathy for them and want to help them empower themselves, but never take on someone else’s actions as your responsibility.  This does not serve you.  You can even set time aside to grieve about what could have been; however, do not choose this spot as your resting place.  There is still more life for them to live and for you to live.  No one knows the future and you will never know why they are living the path they are living.  Only in the future is their purpose revealed.

In summary, you get to choose how you get to feel about any relationship in your life.  If you choose to love someone you get to love them, unconditionally.  They cannot stop you from loving or feeling love for them.  And why would you want to choose any other emotion?

If you have a relationship that you want to work through I invite you to schedule a complimentary session we me, https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching,

Live Positive My Friends!!

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Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse — July 19, 2018

Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse

As a teenage girl growing up in the 80’s it was pretty awesome.  There were a lot of independent role models.  The icons of the 80s were Madonna, Janet Jackson and Alyssa Milano to name a few.  These women were teaching us that we were strong, independent women who didn’t need men.  That we were in control.  However; those of us who were married were being taught that we were the ones in control and that everything is up to us.  And that means even the “chicka chicka boom boom”.

This philosophy may look good on paper and sound really empowering but this thinking, I believe, created a lot more dysfunctional marriages and broken homes.  Women decided that men were just another fixture only there for our needs.  No mention of their needs.

In the early 90s there was another icon I started listening to; that was Dr. Laura.  She taught me how important it was to want to have intimacy in my marriage.  Our spouses are not there to serve us.  They are there to be loved by us.  To care for them and respect them and appreciate who they are, not to change them.  Once we release the stress of wanting to control who they are and learn to love them, then the relationship can go so much further.

We do not only need to have sex when we feel like it.  What usually makes us not want to feel like it, is us.  We tell ourselves how tired we are, how busy we are, how unattractive we feel.  We fool ourselves into thinking that if we don’t feel like it, we don’t have to worry about our partner.  That is such a selfish thought.  Being close to your spouse in such an intimate manner is one of the blessing we have in life.  If you feel that you are telling yourself that you’re tired, that only you matter, etc., then you need to decide how important a happy marriage is to you.  If your spouse is wanting sex and at that particular time you aren’t feeling like it, then change your thoughts.  Put on music that makes you feel happy and sassy.  Dress up, do your hair and makeup.  If being funny and humorous can get you in the mood do that.  This will dramatically change your marriage.  If you don’t believe me; challenge yourself to try this over the next few months, but you will also have to change your thinking about your whole relationship no just when you are being intimate.

The status of your relationship is all in your mind.  If you want a fabulous relationship all you have to do is think it.

If you would like to experience a relationship coaching session click here to schedule – https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching.

Live Positive My Friends!!

You Decide On Happy Ever After — January 16, 2018

You Decide On Happy Ever After

“Do not make it someone else’s responsibility to make you happy.” – Joanne Williams

The decision to love someone or not to love someone is in the control of the individual person.  I do not believe in the theory of falling in and out of love.  You can choose to love someone even if they do not love you back.  This is all in your power.

I hear a lot of couples say they love their partner because they make them happy.  This on the surface seems like a loving statement.  But when you look at it on a deeper level you are giving your power to someone else.  This is saying your happiness depends on someone else.  This is a victim mentality.

Why do I say that?  Because being happy is your responsibility.  You should not delegate that responsibility to someone else; whether it is your significant other, boss, or family relation.  You are the one in control of who you are.  Your partner’s actions cannot make you mad.  The thoughts you are having is creating you to be mad.  Your thought about what it is they did or didn’t do, is what is creating your feelings.  If they do something special for you, you create the thought that makes you happy, not their action.

Learning how to accept a person for who they are and let them be who they are without wanting to change them is your freedom.  This does not mean that you cannot have a conversation about your boundaries or what you would like.  But you shouldn’t make it mean something negative if they do not do what you want.  You cannot control others.

There is a difference between setting boundaries and verbalizing what you would appreciate your partner to do.  Unfortunately, this is a whole other blog.  Just remember you have the power to be happy in any relationship, any job, and in any situation.  Take full responsibility for your life.

Live Positive My Friends.

To book a mini coaching session on your relationship click here https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/30min

Act Now to Change Your Path — January 11, 2018

Act Now to Change Your Path

Being skinny is not just about looking good.  But about truly being healthy.  About having the life you want, with the energy you need to create your dreams.  I completely agree with loving the body you are in; however, you also need to consider the health implications that being overweight is doing to your body and your longevity.

State of Obesity website states in their fast facts, https://stateofobesity.org/fastfacts/, that five states have an adult obesity rate of 35% or higher.  This is a trend that individuals should look at and consider it on an individual level.  When you view it on such a large scale it doesn’t really hit home.  As if this isn’t about me, they are talking about someone else.  I challenge you to take an inventory of your life and your health.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Am I at a healthy weight?
  • What is my BMI?
  • What is my eating protocol like?
  • How long have I been putting this off?
  • Do I have family members that care about me and would support me?

Only you know what your true health picture looks like.  If you have been putting this off more than a year, ask yourself when is the time to truly make change?  Time is something we never get back.  I put off making a permanent change for 23 years.  That is a lot of time wasted.  I could have accomplished so much more if I would have only acted 23 years ago.  I, however, do not beat myself up over this.  I am taking this information and helping as many people as I can with the information and experience I have.

Now take a moment and fast forward a year from now, five years from now, where do you truly want to be when it comes to your health.  Below is a snippet of consequences of obesity and health consequences.   I don not know where this compliation came from other than off of Facebook.  If you want to research the accuaracy of the list I encouarge you to do so.

Consequences of Obesity

Health Consequences

People who are obese, compared to those with a normal or health weight, are at increased risk for many serious diseases and health conditions, including the following

  • All causes of death (mortality)
  • High blood pressure (Hypertension)
  • High LDL cholesterol, low HDL cholesterol, or high levels of triglycerides (Dyslipidemia)
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Coronary heart disease
  • Stroke
  • Gallbladder disease
  • Osteoarthritis (a breakdown of cartilage and bone with in a joint)
  • Sleep apnea and breathing problems
  • Some cancers (endometrial, breast, colon, kidney, gallbladder, and liver)
  • Low quality of life
  • Mental illness such as clinical depression, anxiety and other mental disorders
  • Body pain and difficulty with physical functioning

I invite you to act today and schedule a complimentary health coaching session, click the link https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/30min.  This is a 30-minute conversation to see what challenges you face, what your current mindset is and to make some shifts to get you started on a new path today.

Life Positive My Friends!!

 

The Way to Achieve Success — January 5, 2018

The Way to Achieve Success

Journaling is a great way to keep a record of your life and events.  It helps you look back and reflect on what you have accomplished and what still needs to be accomplished.  This philosophy is the same with a food journal.  A food journal helps you keep track of what you are putting in your body so that you can reflect for necessary motivation or necessary course correction.

When I talk about keeping a food journal I am not talking about the ones where you put down every calorie, fat gram, fiber intake, sodium consumed.  I tried this and believe me it is time consuming and exhausting.

First, I do not keep track of all the calories, fats, fibers, etc. that I put in my body.  I have a protocol of no sugar, no flour.  Pretty easy huh?  I keep track of just the foods I am eating and the amounts.  Another thing I do is write out what I will eat, before I eat it.  This way I don’t have to worry about anything else but what is already planned.  No fuss, no drama.

If you are into making 2018 a year of results and successes keep a food journal and see what it will do for you.  If you want some accountability I invite you to schedule a mini coaching session with me, calendly.com/livepositivelc, and see what your year can really be!!

Live Positive My Friends!

 

 

 

Are You Ready to Begin? — December 28, 2017

Are You Ready to Begin?

Hope your celebrations this Christmas and Hanukkah Season were amazing times with friends and family.  There is so much emphasis and stress we put on ourselves during the holidays from Halloween all the way through to New Years.  And by doing so we turn to food, drink or any other vices that get us through.

You may even be at the point you are saying to yourself, “I will just wait for the New Year to begin working on my weight or health.”  This is a form of denial and justification.  We use the New Year resolution as our starting point because honestly, we want to put off working through our problems as long as we can.  We want to stay in our cocoons and stay within our comfort zones.

I want to challenge you to start today.  Right this moment.  I know that you have the parties and celebrations coming up this weekend.  Imagine how confident and empowered you can be if you make the decision today and honor that commitment with yourself.  I get excited thinking of this reality for myself.  That I can go to any event and decide before hand how I am going to show up for myself.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Why do I want to put it off?
  • What are the thoughts and feelings I am experiencing when I think about starting now?
  • Why do I think I need to eat (off protocol) and/or drink to have fun?

These are some starting points to really be able to understand what you are making giving up food mean to you.  For myself, I looked at food as my comfort and in the form of scarcity.  Anytime I would start a plan I automatically felt this need to indulge.  The thought I was having about that was that I won’t be able to experience this food again.  This was a total lie I was telling myself.  I still plan my joy eats when I want.  I was making food the priority in life when it should have been my health and true happiness.  When I would think about eating better and giving up sugar and flour somewhere in the deepest darkest corners of my mind it meant I wasn’t going to be happy anymore.  I no longer believe this story.

I know that you can do this, and you will be more confident and excited if you get your own back and really support the decisions you make for yourself.

Join my Emotional Overeaters Group on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/108059126656894/

Live Positive!!

Solutions to Junk Food Cravings. — December 20, 2017

Solutions to Junk Food Cravings.

I have had a life long love affair with junk food.  I used to feel shame, disappointment and failure when I thought about this addiction.  It was a daily, hourly, down to the minute struggle on some days.  It was no way for me to be living.

I had to do something.  All my brain power was being dedicated to the thoughts of food.  My desire for food was off the scales.  When I would go on a diet that is when I would feel scarcity towards food.  I felt like time was going to run out and I would never get to enjoy the pleasure of eating food again.

This is where I was wrong.  My pleasure with life should not be coming from food.  Food is meant to nourish my body, it was not meant for pleasure.  I want my life to be about bringing value to the world.  I want to spend my energy encouraging others and making wonderful memories with friends and family.

I wanted this struggle with food to be done, over, finito.  I have spent enough energy fighting my desire for food, that I have since acted.  Part of this was realizing a lot of the struggle was with my emotions, driving me towards food and being completely oblivious to it.  With the knowledge I have learned from health coaching with HCI and studying Brooke Castillo, I have put together 7 solutions to junk food cravings.

7 Solutions to Junk Food Cravings

  1. Commitment. Make the commitment to yourself and always have your back. When you give in to a craving or food that is not on your protocol be curious about it.  Learn from the experience and do not, I repeat, do not beat yourself up.
  2. Over desire. Desire starts with a thought in your brain. Don’t answer your urges. When we see or hear a commercial, or a thought pops into our head and we have an instant desire, recognize that you have a choice.  Not answering these urges will help you stop the desire.
  3. Establishing Your Protocol. This is what you plan to eat.  There is no magic formula that will work for everyone.  Set a protocol and commit to it.  After an evaluation period if you aren’t getting the results you want, then you adjust your protocol.
  4. 4 Types of Eating. Before eating categorize what type of eating you are doing.  Recognize there are different reasons for eating.  Once you start categorizing everything you eat it will bring about more awareness to why you are eating.
    1. Fuel Eating – is when you are choosing to eat the foods that are power foods. Clean eating are foods that are whole foods; proteins, fruits, vegetables.  No processed flour or processed sugar.
    2. Pleasure Eating – is when you are eating to give yourself pleasure. These types of foods are usually processed and convenient.  You want to plan for when you are going to eat pleasure foods and stick to the plan of when, where and amount.
    3. Distracted Eating – is when you are busy doing something else and you begin munching/snacking. This may even be stress eating, when you have so much going on at work and you eat a bag of chips or cookies and then you look around wondering where they went.  This type of eating you want to limit and correct as soon as you realize it.
    4. Storm Eating – This type of eating is like being in an eye of a storm. You are out of control and may look like binge eating.  This form of eating is usually having to do with emotional overwhelm.  When you recognize you are eating this way you want to do 2 things.  Do a thought download and see what you are thinking and feeling and learn from it for next time.  2. Recommit to your goals and your life and get back to the 90% fuel eating.
  5. Thought Awareness. Know what your thoughts are when it comes to food.  Your thoughts create your feelings, feelings create your actions or inactions, and your actions produce your results. Know what your thoughts are, recognize them and change them.  Thoughts will also produce your desire for food.  Use food for fuel and nothing more.
  6. Thought Download. Step outside of your mind and focus on your thoughts.  Write down the first 5 thoughts you are having now.  Write them in sentences, instead of a story or a paragraph.  You will want to look at these thoughts and see if they are serving you in your life and your goals.  (Thought model)
  7. The Model.

C – Circumstance (Neutral) Food

T – Thought

F – Feeling

A – Action

R – Results

I hope this list in part or whole will help someone else that is struggling with emotional battle with food.  Join me at my free Emotional Overeaters Group on Facebook for more information to this list and for great support.  https://www.facebook.com/groups/108059126656894/

Live Positive!!