Live Positive Lifestyle Coaching, LLC

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How to Work Through Tough Relationships. — July 26, 2018

How to Work Through Tough Relationships.

Let’s talk about relationships.  The first thing that probably comes to mind when someone says “relationship” is probably your romantic relationship.  But there are so many other relationships in our lives.  We have brothers, sisters, parents, friends and even co-workers that you have relationships with.

Relationship can tend to be frustrating.  You may get frustrated when the people you interact with each and every day don’t do what you think is best.  It could be a co-worker that you are explaining something to and after you leave they find a different way to it that suits them, but you don’t see it the way they do.  Or your kids that you give advice to and they refuse to listen or do the opposite you say. Or a communication issue with your parents.  All of these scenarios can leave you wanting to scream or pull your hair out.  Can I get an Amen?  I have two boys enough said.

But what I am going to share with you today is going to save your sanity.  Drop all expectations.  It’s that simple.  It’s when you expect someone to do what you say or that you want to control the situation that you tend to feel frustrated.  Everyone on this earth has the right to be who they want to be and do what they want to do.   You get to choose how you want to feel about that person.  Let me give you some examples.

If you have a family member or a friend that you are constantly inviting to gatherings and they are always busy doing something else, you may tend to start to think this person doesn’t care.  You start feeling angry, sad, frustrated or disappointed.  These are all normal responses because we expect that if you invite someone to an event that they would want to come.  When they don’t you start to tell yourself stories, in your mind.  These stories you tell your self are what creates the feelings you are having.  The best way to combat these feelings is to let the person be who they want to be.  You cannot change them.  You can always extend the invitation but have no expectations tied to their response. This will not only create a more peaceful mind for you but more peace in your relationship.  That is what makes this so great and awesome.  You get to decide how you want to feel.

Another example: If your child, son or daughter, ends up in prison or dealing with a drug addiction, as a parent the first thing you want to do is start evaluating what you did wrong.  But who says you did anything wrong?  That is when you get to let them make their own choices and face their own consequences.  You can feel empathy for them and want to help them empower themselves, but never take on someone else’s actions as your responsibility.  This does not serve you.  You can even set time aside to grieve about what could have been; however, do not choose this spot as your resting place.  There is still more life for them to live and for you to live.  No one knows the future and you will never know why they are living the path they are living.  Only in the future is their purpose revealed.

In summary, you get to choose how you get to feel about any relationship in your life.  If you choose to love someone you get to love them, unconditionally.  They cannot stop you from loving or feeling love for them.  And why would you want to choose any other emotion?

If you have a relationship that you want to work through I invite you to schedule a complimentary session we me, https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching,

Live Positive My Friends!!

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Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse — July 19, 2018

Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse

As a teenage girl growing up in the 80’s it was pretty awesome.  There were a lot of independent role models.  The icons of the 80s were Madonna, Janet Jackson and Alyssa Milano to name a few.  These women were teaching us that we were strong, independent women who didn’t need men.  That we were in control.  However; those of us who were married were being taught that we were the ones in control and that everything is up to us.  And that means even the “chicka chicka boom boom”.

This philosophy may look good on paper and sound really empowering but this thinking, I believe, created a lot more dysfunctional marriages and broken homes.  Women decided that men were just another fixture only there for our needs.  No mention of their needs.

In the early 90s there was another icon I started listening to; that was Dr. Laura.  She taught me how important it was to want to have intimacy in my marriage.  Our spouses are not there to serve us.  They are there to be loved by us.  To care for them and respect them and appreciate who they are, not to change them.  Once we release the stress of wanting to control who they are and learn to love them, then the relationship can go so much further.

We do not only need to have sex when we feel like it.  What usually makes us not want to feel like it, is us.  We tell ourselves how tired we are, how busy we are, how unattractive we feel.  We fool ourselves into thinking that if we don’t feel like it, we don’t have to worry about our partner.  That is such a selfish thought.  Being close to your spouse in such an intimate manner is one of the blessing we have in life.  If you feel that you are telling yourself that you’re tired, that only you matter, etc., then you need to decide how important a happy marriage is to you.  If your spouse is wanting sex and at that particular time you aren’t feeling like it, then change your thoughts.  Put on music that makes you feel happy and sassy.  Dress up, do your hair and makeup.  If being funny and humorous can get you in the mood do that.  This will dramatically change your marriage.  If you don’t believe me; challenge yourself to try this over the next few months, but you will also have to change your thinking about your whole relationship no just when you are being intimate.

The status of your relationship is all in your mind.  If you want a fabulous relationship all you have to do is think it.

If you would like to experience a relationship coaching session click here to schedule – https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching.

Live Positive My Friends!!

Circumstances Are Neither Positive or Negative — February 1, 2018

Circumstances Are Neither Positive or Negative

Today I am going to talk about circumstances and how we, using our thoughts, make circumstances positive or negative.  Before I go into this too deep I want to say that even though it is up to us, there are some circumstances, that it is normal to choose to have a negative feeling.

What is a circumstance?  A circumstance is a fact.  Example: it is raining outside, my mother passed away, my boss said, “he is unsatisfied with my job performance”.  These are all facts that cannot be disputed.  The thoughts we have about these facts is what makes them positive in our life or negative.  If you enjoy the rain you are going to be happy and excited that it is raining and your thoughts will create that feeling.  The same actions take place with the other two facts.

The biggest thing I want to convey when I am writing this blog is not that you should always be positive, or that it is wrong if you are negative.  The main point is that if you choose to be negative or you choose to be positive, own it!  Do not live in a world where everything is happening to you, that you do not have any control over it.  Own that you are choosing to look at something in a negative light.  I would follow up with how choosing negative thoughts are serving you.  However, if it isn’t serving you but you are accepting that fact and claim it, then that is great.  Just don’t get stuck in a victim mentality.

In my podcast I share a couple of personal experiences and show how they can be viewed in a positive light.  I invite you to take a listen.

https://www.podbean.com/media/player/5wtn5-86351a?from=yiiadmin

Take your power and design your future!

Live Positive My Friends!

My Upcoming Move and the Yin and Yang Emotions — January 22, 2018

My Upcoming Move and the Yin and Yang Emotions

Happy Monday Everyone!

I have been feeling a wide range of emotions lately.  They range from happiness, love, gratitude, sadness, melancholy and anxiety.  Such a wide range of emotions, right?  Why would I choose to experience all these feelings?  It is because life is not about being happy all the time.  There are lower vibrations/feelings that are needed to be experienced to be a complete being.

My life is taking me on a journey back to Arizona.  With this move my life will experience excitement about being back in a warmer climate.  I will have new opportunities to work on my business and really reinvent myself, attract the clients that I know are out there and will benefit from what I have to offer.  But I will also be moving away from my children, my wonderful daughter-in-law to be, and my beautiful granddaughter.  My heart cries every time I think about being separated from them.

I could let these thoughts dictate my life.  Instead I am choosing to be in control of my life and my emotions.  So, I am allowing myself the time to feel the sadness and longing that will come when I move.  Because it demonstrates the love I have for them.  But then I get to move forward in the knowledge that with technology today I get to keep in touch with them.  And they are only an hour away when taking a plane or a day worth of driving by car.  Also, with the coming success of my business I will have the flexibility and financial freedom to be able to get to see them on a regular basis.

I have chosen to feel sadness, melancholy and anxiety, because this makes me a whole person not just someone that wants all the positive without the negative.  I don’t want to only be present in half of my life I want to be a better person my experiencing them all.  If you take one aha from this blog, it is that you get to choose which feelings you want to resist, accept or not have at all.

Live Positive My Friends!!

 

The Secret to Stress — January 19, 2018

The Secret to Stress

I want to talk to you about stress.  The definition of stress from dictionary.com is “a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.” Or a humorous one that I enjoy is “The confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living daylights out of somebody who desperately needs it”.

When we look at the definition from dictionary.com is states the mental or emotional strain resulting from an adverse circumstance.  Breaking down that statement I would have to disagree with this definition.  The reason for my difference of opinion is because circumstances are neutral.  This definition makes it sound like the stress is happening to us, not that we are creating it.

I have a story to share to demonstrate what I mean.  I was talking to someone the other day and they were feeling a little stressed and short on time.  They were in the middle of a move and had a long list of things to still get done.  They shared with me that they didn’t know if they would get it all done in time.  At this point I took a moment to have them step back and see that thought they just had.  “I don’t know if I will be able to get it all done”.  This thought is what was creating the stress, the move was just a set of tasks still needing to be completed.  I explained that what they needed to do is get clear on what still needs to be done and create a to do list.  To take this list a step further they could put time limits on each task.  Once you have completed this step all the drama and stress will go away, and you will have motivation and empowerment in its place.  Anyone that is feeling stress can step back and look at the thoughts they are generating and breakdown the necessary tasks or steps that need to be accomplished to alleviate their stress.

Another part of this is what are we making it mean?  When we are feeling stress over a job for example, the stress can truly be coming from a place of fear.  We may be setting out to impress our boss, client or colleagues.  That may be where our stress is being generated from, we don’t want to let anyone down, or we want to control how others see us.  Here is the most important advice I can give you.  We cannot control what others think of us and it is none of our business what they are thinking.

As a health coach I bring this topic up because stress can wreak havoc on our mental state, health and wellness state and lead us binge eating.  If this sounds like you I invite you to click this link, https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/30min, to schedule your complimentary mini session to discover the secrets to your stress.

Live Positive My Friends!

Are You Ready to Begin? — December 28, 2017

Are You Ready to Begin?

Hope your celebrations this Christmas and Hanukkah Season were amazing times with friends and family.  There is so much emphasis and stress we put on ourselves during the holidays from Halloween all the way through to New Years.  And by doing so we turn to food, drink or any other vices that get us through.

You may even be at the point you are saying to yourself, “I will just wait for the New Year to begin working on my weight or health.”  This is a form of denial and justification.  We use the New Year resolution as our starting point because honestly, we want to put off working through our problems as long as we can.  We want to stay in our cocoons and stay within our comfort zones.

I want to challenge you to start today.  Right this moment.  I know that you have the parties and celebrations coming up this weekend.  Imagine how confident and empowered you can be if you make the decision today and honor that commitment with yourself.  I get excited thinking of this reality for myself.  That I can go to any event and decide before hand how I am going to show up for myself.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Why do I want to put it off?
  • What are the thoughts and feelings I am experiencing when I think about starting now?
  • Why do I think I need to eat (off protocol) and/or drink to have fun?

These are some starting points to really be able to understand what you are making giving up food mean to you.  For myself, I looked at food as my comfort and in the form of scarcity.  Anytime I would start a plan I automatically felt this need to indulge.  The thought I was having about that was that I won’t be able to experience this food again.  This was a total lie I was telling myself.  I still plan my joy eats when I want.  I was making food the priority in life when it should have been my health and true happiness.  When I would think about eating better and giving up sugar and flour somewhere in the deepest darkest corners of my mind it meant I wasn’t going to be happy anymore.  I no longer believe this story.

I know that you can do this, and you will be more confident and excited if you get your own back and really support the decisions you make for yourself.

Join my Emotional Overeaters Group on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/108059126656894/

Live Positive!!

Solutions to Junk Food Cravings. — December 20, 2017

Solutions to Junk Food Cravings.

I have had a life long love affair with junk food.  I used to feel shame, disappointment and failure when I thought about this addiction.  It was a daily, hourly, down to the minute struggle on some days.  It was no way for me to be living.

I had to do something.  All my brain power was being dedicated to the thoughts of food.  My desire for food was off the scales.  When I would go on a diet that is when I would feel scarcity towards food.  I felt like time was going to run out and I would never get to enjoy the pleasure of eating food again.

This is where I was wrong.  My pleasure with life should not be coming from food.  Food is meant to nourish my body, it was not meant for pleasure.  I want my life to be about bringing value to the world.  I want to spend my energy encouraging others and making wonderful memories with friends and family.

I wanted this struggle with food to be done, over, finito.  I have spent enough energy fighting my desire for food, that I have since acted.  Part of this was realizing a lot of the struggle was with my emotions, driving me towards food and being completely oblivious to it.  With the knowledge I have learned from health coaching with HCI and studying Brooke Castillo, I have put together 7 solutions to junk food cravings.

7 Solutions to Junk Food Cravings

  1. Commitment. Make the commitment to yourself and always have your back. When you give in to a craving or food that is not on your protocol be curious about it.  Learn from the experience and do not, I repeat, do not beat yourself up.
  2. Over desire. Desire starts with a thought in your brain. Don’t answer your urges. When we see or hear a commercial, or a thought pops into our head and we have an instant desire, recognize that you have a choice.  Not answering these urges will help you stop the desire.
  3. Establishing Your Protocol. This is what you plan to eat.  There is no magic formula that will work for everyone.  Set a protocol and commit to it.  After an evaluation period if you aren’t getting the results you want, then you adjust your protocol.
  4. 4 Types of Eating. Before eating categorize what type of eating you are doing.  Recognize there are different reasons for eating.  Once you start categorizing everything you eat it will bring about more awareness to why you are eating.
    1. Fuel Eating – is when you are choosing to eat the foods that are power foods. Clean eating are foods that are whole foods; proteins, fruits, vegetables.  No processed flour or processed sugar.
    2. Pleasure Eating – is when you are eating to give yourself pleasure. These types of foods are usually processed and convenient.  You want to plan for when you are going to eat pleasure foods and stick to the plan of when, where and amount.
    3. Distracted Eating – is when you are busy doing something else and you begin munching/snacking. This may even be stress eating, when you have so much going on at work and you eat a bag of chips or cookies and then you look around wondering where they went.  This type of eating you want to limit and correct as soon as you realize it.
    4. Storm Eating – This type of eating is like being in an eye of a storm. You are out of control and may look like binge eating.  This form of eating is usually having to do with emotional overwhelm.  When you recognize you are eating this way you want to do 2 things.  Do a thought download and see what you are thinking and feeling and learn from it for next time.  2. Recommit to your goals and your life and get back to the 90% fuel eating.
  5. Thought Awareness. Know what your thoughts are when it comes to food.  Your thoughts create your feelings, feelings create your actions or inactions, and your actions produce your results. Know what your thoughts are, recognize them and change them.  Thoughts will also produce your desire for food.  Use food for fuel and nothing more.
  6. Thought Download. Step outside of your mind and focus on your thoughts.  Write down the first 5 thoughts you are having now.  Write them in sentences, instead of a story or a paragraph.  You will want to look at these thoughts and see if they are serving you in your life and your goals.  (Thought model)
  7. The Model.

C – Circumstance (Neutral) Food

T – Thought

F – Feeling

A – Action

R – Results

I hope this list in part or whole will help someone else that is struggling with emotional battle with food.  Join me at my free Emotional Overeaters Group on Facebook for more information to this list and for great support.  https://www.facebook.com/groups/108059126656894/

Live Positive!!

Anxiety – There You Are — December 7, 2017

Anxiety – There You Are

Waking up this morning I feel the tightness in my chest and the swirling in my stomach.  As I clear the sleep out of my eyes I think “anxiety, there you are”.  I lay my head back on the pillow and take in a couple of deep breaths.

I have dealt with anxiety through my life, but it has not always been this simple to accept it.  I used to really resist it.  I would think there was something wrong with me.  I would start doubting myself that I could get through it.  I just wanted to give up.

Thanks to introduction to CBT and reading and learning from Brooke Castillo, Master Coach, I have been able to recognize anxiety, evaluate and defuse the situation.  To be able to enjoy my life at a level I haven’t been able to before.

The first step is being able to accept the anxiety and breathe into it.  When you battle with anxiety, anxiety will win.  Bring mindfulness to your body and name the feeling you are sensing.  When you bring awareness to the anxiety living in your mind, it is like you are shining a flashlight into a dark corner of a room you are afraid to go into.

The next step is watch your thoughts.  What is happening in your mind?  This will give you the reason you are feeling the anxiety.  This way you get to decide if the thoughts you are having are true or needless worry.  This is where the diffusing the situation takes place.  You get to decide what the thoughts mean to you.  You have all the control.

After you have diffused the situation decide how you are going to react.  This is where you are in the driver’s seat and you get to push the gas petal and move forward or stay there stuck spinning your wheels.

I hope this post helps at least one person that lives with anxiety and knows they are still able to be in control of their own life and decisions.

Live Positive!!