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Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse — July 19, 2018

Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse

As a teenage girl growing up in the 80’s it was pretty awesome.  There were a lot of independent role models.  The icons of the 80s were Madonna, Janet Jackson and Alyssa Milano to name a few.  These women were teaching us that we were strong, independent women who didn’t need men.  That we were in control.  However; those of us who were married were being taught that we were the ones in control and that everything is up to us.  And that means even the “chicka chicka boom boom”.

This philosophy may look good on paper and sound really empowering but this thinking, I believe, created a lot more dysfunctional marriages and broken homes.  Women decided that men were just another fixture only there for our needs.  No mention of their needs.

In the early 90s there was another icon I started listening to; that was Dr. Laura.  She taught me how important it was to want to have intimacy in my marriage.  Our spouses are not there to serve us.  They are there to be loved by us.  To care for them and respect them and appreciate who they are, not to change them.  Once we release the stress of wanting to control who they are and learn to love them, then the relationship can go so much further.

We do not only need to have sex when we feel like it.  What usually makes us not want to feel like it, is us.  We tell ourselves how tired we are, how busy we are, how unattractive we feel.  We fool ourselves into thinking that if we don’t feel like it, we don’t have to worry about our partner.  That is such a selfish thought.  Being close to your spouse in such an intimate manner is one of the blessing we have in life.  If you feel that you are telling yourself that you’re tired, that only you matter, etc., then you need to decide how important a happy marriage is to you.  If your spouse is wanting sex and at that particular time you aren’t feeling like it, then change your thoughts.  Put on music that makes you feel happy and sassy.  Dress up, do your hair and makeup.  If being funny and humorous can get you in the mood do that.  This will dramatically change your marriage.  If you don’t believe me; challenge yourself to try this over the next few months, but you will also have to change your thinking about your whole relationship no just when you are being intimate.

The status of your relationship is all in your mind.  If you want a fabulous relationship all you have to do is think it.

If you would like to experience a relationship coaching session click here to schedule – https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching.

Live Positive My Friends!!

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Circumstances Are Neither Positive or Negative — February 1, 2018

Circumstances Are Neither Positive or Negative

Today I am going to talk about circumstances and how we, using our thoughts, make circumstances positive or negative.  Before I go into this too deep I want to say that even though it is up to us, there are some circumstances, that it is normal to choose to have a negative feeling.

What is a circumstance?  A circumstance is a fact.  Example: it is raining outside, my mother passed away, my boss said, “he is unsatisfied with my job performance”.  These are all facts that cannot be disputed.  The thoughts we have about these facts is what makes them positive in our life or negative.  If you enjoy the rain you are going to be happy and excited that it is raining and your thoughts will create that feeling.  The same actions take place with the other two facts.

The biggest thing I want to convey when I am writing this blog is not that you should always be positive, or that it is wrong if you are negative.  The main point is that if you choose to be negative or you choose to be positive, own it!  Do not live in a world where everything is happening to you, that you do not have any control over it.  Own that you are choosing to look at something in a negative light.  I would follow up with how choosing negative thoughts are serving you.  However, if it isn’t serving you but you are accepting that fact and claim it, then that is great.  Just don’t get stuck in a victim mentality.

In my podcast I share a couple of personal experiences and show how they can be viewed in a positive light.  I invite you to take a listen.

https://www.podbean.com/media/player/5wtn5-86351a?from=yiiadmin

Take your power and design your future!

Live Positive My Friends!

Are You Ready to Begin? — December 28, 2017

Are You Ready to Begin?

Hope your celebrations this Christmas and Hanukkah Season were amazing times with friends and family.  There is so much emphasis and stress we put on ourselves during the holidays from Halloween all the way through to New Years.  And by doing so we turn to food, drink or any other vices that get us through.

You may even be at the point you are saying to yourself, “I will just wait for the New Year to begin working on my weight or health.”  This is a form of denial and justification.  We use the New Year resolution as our starting point because honestly, we want to put off working through our problems as long as we can.  We want to stay in our cocoons and stay within our comfort zones.

I want to challenge you to start today.  Right this moment.  I know that you have the parties and celebrations coming up this weekend.  Imagine how confident and empowered you can be if you make the decision today and honor that commitment with yourself.  I get excited thinking of this reality for myself.  That I can go to any event and decide before hand how I am going to show up for myself.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Why do I want to put it off?
  • What are the thoughts and feelings I am experiencing when I think about starting now?
  • Why do I think I need to eat (off protocol) and/or drink to have fun?

These are some starting points to really be able to understand what you are making giving up food mean to you.  For myself, I looked at food as my comfort and in the form of scarcity.  Anytime I would start a plan I automatically felt this need to indulge.  The thought I was having about that was that I won’t be able to experience this food again.  This was a total lie I was telling myself.  I still plan my joy eats when I want.  I was making food the priority in life when it should have been my health and true happiness.  When I would think about eating better and giving up sugar and flour somewhere in the deepest darkest corners of my mind it meant I wasn’t going to be happy anymore.  I no longer believe this story.

I know that you can do this, and you will be more confident and excited if you get your own back and really support the decisions you make for yourself.

Join my Emotional Overeaters Group on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/108059126656894/

Live Positive!!

2018 – The Year of Failures — December 13, 2017

2018 – The Year of Failures

It is that time of year where we are wrapping up 2017 and looking forward to 2018.  When reflecting you may do this through the mindset of regret, frustration and disappointment.  These mindsets will keep you stuck in 2018.

If you want to move forward, you need to accept your past and know you cannot change.  In 2017 you may not have accomplished everything you wanted to accomplish but focus on the lessons.  This does not mean you failed, it means you have a learning opportunity.  What can you do differently to move one step forward for next time?  Look back and 2017 and list the accomplishments you do have, no matter how small.  This will give you the boost of enthusiasm for the future.

When setting your goals for 2018 make a list of what you want to accomplish.  If it doesn’t make you uncomfortable you are not stretching yourself enough.  You want 2018 to be the year you grow, you will need to be uncomfortable.  Being uncomfortable is just a feeling.  Nothing you can’t handle.

Start your goal setting by the areas in your life; career, family/relationship, health, financial and spirituality.  Which are is most important to you?  Then review your passions, talents, values and obstacles in life.  My gaining this self-awareness you will be able to plan out your goals and know what obstacles may arise; you will be unstoppable.

With each goal you set you must expect failure.  Failure means you are trying and learning.  Without this acceptance of failure, you will not be able to move forward and push yourself.  You will not reach the goals or dreams you have for yourself.

Let’s all make 2018 our year of failures; and by doing so we will have a year of successes.

Live Positive!!

Anxiety – There You Are — December 7, 2017

Anxiety – There You Are

Waking up this morning I feel the tightness in my chest and the swirling in my stomach.  As I clear the sleep out of my eyes I think “anxiety, there you are”.  I lay my head back on the pillow and take in a couple of deep breaths.

I have dealt with anxiety through my life, but it has not always been this simple to accept it.  I used to really resist it.  I would think there was something wrong with me.  I would start doubting myself that I could get through it.  I just wanted to give up.

Thanks to introduction to CBT and reading and learning from Brooke Castillo, Master Coach, I have been able to recognize anxiety, evaluate and defuse the situation.  To be able to enjoy my life at a level I haven’t been able to before.

The first step is being able to accept the anxiety and breathe into it.  When you battle with anxiety, anxiety will win.  Bring mindfulness to your body and name the feeling you are sensing.  When you bring awareness to the anxiety living in your mind, it is like you are shining a flashlight into a dark corner of a room you are afraid to go into.

The next step is watch your thoughts.  What is happening in your mind?  This will give you the reason you are feeling the anxiety.  This way you get to decide if the thoughts you are having are true or needless worry.  This is where the diffusing the situation takes place.  You get to decide what the thoughts mean to you.  You have all the control.

After you have diffused the situation decide how you are going to react.  This is where you are in the driver’s seat and you get to push the gas petal and move forward or stay there stuck spinning your wheels.

I hope this post helps at least one person that lives with anxiety and knows they are still able to be in control of their own life and decisions.

Live Positive!!

Path to Confidence is with Future Focus — December 5, 2017

Path to Confidence is with Future Focus

Futurefocus

As I lay my head down to sleep I am feel confidence surge through my thoughts and body.  How do I have this firm belief in myself, it isn’t always here?  This isn’t always how I feel so what makes tonight any different?  It’s because tonight I have the true belief in myself and my future.  I see my self succeeding in anything I set my mind to.  I can see my future self helping others make it through their struggles with anxiety and weight loss.

The definition of confidence from dictionary.com is “the feeling of belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust”.  Future focus is just that, intentionally placing your mind and attention on the future.  Our mind likes to use the past for the direction in which to go.  This for some leads to more anxiety and criticizing decisions that were made in the past and can’t be changed.  When you jump in your car to go somewhere remember you don’t drive backwards.  Don’t do this with your dreams and goals.

Confidence is created when success is obtained.  When you can see that you can achieve your goals.  Creating confidence without proof is possible.  This is done through future focus.  Setting your goals and creating a plan for how you are going to achieve that goal is the first step in building confidence.  Creating a thought that empowers you to know that you are capable and strong.

Confidence is needed in everything we are and everything we do; relationships, careers, weight loss, entrepreneurship.  This can all be done by thinking intentionally.  When you think intentional thoughts, you create new thought patterns at any age and no matter how long you may have doubted yourself.

Here are 5 tips to get started on future focus

  1. Recognize the thoughts that are holding you back
  2. Know what thought you are going to replace the old thinking with
  3. Create a plan to achieve your dreams
  4. Stick to your plan
  5. Celebrate the achievements

Confidence is the tool that will get you moving forward and will get you to your destination.  There will be times you will struggle with finding the confidence but following the 5 tips above will keep you on track.

Live Positive!