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Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse — July 19, 2018

Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse

As a teenage girl growing up in the 80’s it was pretty awesome.  There were a lot of independent role models.  The icons of the 80s were Madonna, Janet Jackson and Alyssa Milano to name a few.  These women were teaching us that we were strong, independent women who didn’t need men.  That we were in control.  However; those of us who were married were being taught that we were the ones in control and that everything is up to us.  And that means even the “chicka chicka boom boom”.

This philosophy may look good on paper and sound really empowering but this thinking, I believe, created a lot more dysfunctional marriages and broken homes.  Women decided that men were just another fixture only there for our needs.  No mention of their needs.

In the early 90s there was another icon I started listening to; that was Dr. Laura.  She taught me how important it was to want to have intimacy in my marriage.  Our spouses are not there to serve us.  They are there to be loved by us.  To care for them and respect them and appreciate who they are, not to change them.  Once we release the stress of wanting to control who they are and learn to love them, then the relationship can go so much further.

We do not only need to have sex when we feel like it.  What usually makes us not want to feel like it, is us.  We tell ourselves how tired we are, how busy we are, how unattractive we feel.  We fool ourselves into thinking that if we don’t feel like it, we don’t have to worry about our partner.  That is such a selfish thought.  Being close to your spouse in such an intimate manner is one of the blessing we have in life.  If you feel that you are telling yourself that you’re tired, that only you matter, etc., then you need to decide how important a happy marriage is to you.  If your spouse is wanting sex and at that particular time you aren’t feeling like it, then change your thoughts.  Put on music that makes you feel happy and sassy.  Dress up, do your hair and makeup.  If being funny and humorous can get you in the mood do that.  This will dramatically change your marriage.  If you don’t believe me; challenge yourself to try this over the next few months, but you will also have to change your thinking about your whole relationship no just when you are being intimate.

The status of your relationship is all in your mind.  If you want a fabulous relationship all you have to do is think it.

If you would like to experience a relationship coaching session click here to schedule – https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching.

Live Positive My Friends!!

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Lost in Solicitous — March 15, 2018

Lost in Solicitous

 

Darkness, despair, lost, hopeless.

Can I ever please anyone?  Am I worthy of love? I try so hard to be perfect.  I will never be good enough.

Have you ever had these thoughts?  I have and more.

Looking at me from the outside you would have never guessed it.  I remember sitting at a stop light watching people walk in front of my car and wonder, “do they ever get panic attacks?”  “Do they know what it is like?”  Because you can never tell what someone is going through in their own mind.  I looked totally normal but never felt it.  I felt alone most of the time, I had one long time friend that I wouldn’t call, my husband and kids; other than that I closed out the world.

Anxiety was the reason.  I allowed it to take over who I was and what I was willing to do.  It was the boss, I wasn’t.  There was nothing I could do about it.  That was a lie.  Anxiety is completely within our own control.  Once you know what is causing it and solutions to it, anxiety can become something in the back of your mind instead of the front.

What causes anxiety?  Our thoughts.  I worried about everything.  How other people viewed me.  How they view my children.  Hurting my children’s feelings.  What could happen to my children.  Working and sending my kids to daycare.  Not working and staying home with them.  There was never a moment of peace in my mind.  That is what anxiety is; needless worrying.

How do you manage it?  Manage your thoughts.  If you don’t know what you are thinking it will be hard to manage anything.  So the first step is to look at what you are thinking.  Once you know the thoughts then place a value on the thought.  Use a scale from 1-10 how likely is it to happen.  Use 1 as not very likely and 10 very likely.  If it is less than an 8 let it go.  If it is a 9 or 10 figure out a solution to it.  What are you making it mean if it does happen?  Is it life threatening?  Most likely it isn’t.  Once you have given the thought perspective the anxiety will lessen or go away, until next time.

Remember this is about managing anxiety.  I am not a therapist or a doctor.  I am not promising anxiety will go away.  But I am a survivor and I have a completely different life today than I did even 3 years ago.

For more of my story check out my YouTube video.

 

 

If you struggle with anxiety and would like a complimentary Anxiety Management Session please click here or copy and paste into your browser, https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/anxiety-management-complimentary-session.

Live Positive My Friends.

Paradigm in Weight Loss — February 8, 2018

Paradigm in Weight Loss

Happy Thursday Tribe!!  I hope you all have had a glorious week.  I know I have.  This week’s theme has been paradigms.  So lets start there.

What is a paradigm? The definition given by dictionary.com is “a typical example or pattern of something; a model”.  This to me would be a belief that is widely accepted.

What is a paradigm related to health and nutrition? The way to lose weight is to eat less and exercise more.  Does this sound accurate and true?  Most people will say yes.

However, there is so much more involved in creating a healthy and sustainable weight loss.  What you eat is more important than eating less.  People like to believe that you can eat whatever you want as long as it is in moderation.  That works for very few people.  I have tried it and failed.  This belief does not allow you to lose weight.  Why?

A couple of reasons is because when you are eating processed foods and sugar your body will respond with an insulin spike; insulin is a fat storing hormone.  Therefore; your body will go into fat storing mode.  Also, the processed sugar foods that we eat, are consumed more out of craving and desire than hunger.  As long as you continue to eat these foods, even in moderation, you will continue to have urges and desire for it.  This will only lead to you eating more.

The paradigm shift I would like to offer to you is to eating clean leads to sustainable weight loss.  When we were created and lived in the cave men era we did not have all the processed foods we do now.  We ate raw/clean food for fuel.  If you can over come the desire and urges and switch to a more clean protocol, you will achieve weight loss.

Life Positive My Friends!!