Live Positive Lifestyle Coaching, LLC

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How to Work Through Tough Relationships. — July 26, 2018

How to Work Through Tough Relationships.

Let’s talk about relationships.  The first thing that probably comes to mind when someone says “relationship” is probably your romantic relationship.  But there are so many other relationships in our lives.  We have brothers, sisters, parents, friends and even co-workers that you have relationships with.

Relationship can tend to be frustrating.  You may get frustrated when the people you interact with each and every day don’t do what you think is best.  It could be a co-worker that you are explaining something to and after you leave they find a different way to it that suits them, but you don’t see it the way they do.  Or your kids that you give advice to and they refuse to listen or do the opposite you say. Or a communication issue with your parents.  All of these scenarios can leave you wanting to scream or pull your hair out.  Can I get an Amen?  I have two boys enough said.

But what I am going to share with you today is going to save your sanity.  Drop all expectations.  It’s that simple.  It’s when you expect someone to do what you say or that you want to control the situation that you tend to feel frustrated.  Everyone on this earth has the right to be who they want to be and do what they want to do.   You get to choose how you want to feel about that person.  Let me give you some examples.

If you have a family member or a friend that you are constantly inviting to gatherings and they are always busy doing something else, you may tend to start to think this person doesn’t care.  You start feeling angry, sad, frustrated or disappointed.  These are all normal responses because we expect that if you invite someone to an event that they would want to come.  When they don’t you start to tell yourself stories, in your mind.  These stories you tell your self are what creates the feelings you are having.  The best way to combat these feelings is to let the person be who they want to be.  You cannot change them.  You can always extend the invitation but have no expectations tied to their response. This will not only create a more peaceful mind for you but more peace in your relationship.  That is what makes this so great and awesome.  You get to decide how you want to feel.

Another example: If your child, son or daughter, ends up in prison or dealing with a drug addiction, as a parent the first thing you want to do is start evaluating what you did wrong.  But who says you did anything wrong?  That is when you get to let them make their own choices and face their own consequences.  You can feel empathy for them and want to help them empower themselves, but never take on someone else’s actions as your responsibility.  This does not serve you.  You can even set time aside to grieve about what could have been; however, do not choose this spot as your resting place.  There is still more life for them to live and for you to live.  No one knows the future and you will never know why they are living the path they are living.  Only in the future is their purpose revealed.

In summary, you get to choose how you get to feel about any relationship in your life.  If you choose to love someone you get to love them, unconditionally.  They cannot stop you from loving or feeling love for them.  And why would you want to choose any other emotion?

If you have a relationship that you want to work through I invite you to schedule a complimentary session we me, https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching,

Live Positive My Friends!!

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The Makings of a Great Relationship. — July 13, 2018

The Makings of a Great Relationship.

Marriage is not always sunshine and roses.  Neither was it meant to be.  Just like in life there is going to be positive and negative.  What makes a good marriage is working through the negative and accepting the it.  Understanding what is making it negative.  What is making it negative or bad is the thinking you have behind it.

I am on my second marriage and I choose to be happy in this marriage.  Not by making up things that don’t exist but by not making him be the person I want him to become.  I married him because I love who he is, why would I want to change that?

Just the other night there was a topic that I enjoy discussing but he doesn’t really want to talk about it.  I could have made a big deal about it and made him feel bad for not feeling my need to express myself.  I could have used this moment to criticize and point out all the things he is doing wrong.  But you know what, there isn’t anything he is doing wrong.

I am letting him be him.  I could choose to look at my marriage and my husband and find everything that I believe to be wrong with him or I could look at my marriage and my husband and see everything that is right about him.

The next time you are feeling like your spouse/partner is not living up to what you thought marriage would be, look at your thoughts you are having and do a love fest on them.  What do I mean by a love fest?  Write down everything you love about your spouse/partner and you will feel a change in how you feel and the direction of your marriage.

Here is my love fest on my husband:

  • I love the way he is concerned about my feelings (even though he has not control) 😊
  • I love the way he laughs
  • I love the effort he puts in with caring for our dogs and making sure they have good nutrition
  • I love his body
  • I love how he smells
  • I love how he takes care of himself and takes pride in the way he looks
  • I love how he takes care of my vehicle for me
  • I love how he makes sure I get to visit my children
  • I love the he snuggles with me
  • I love how he still opens the door for me

I could go on and on, but you understand what a love fest is, and I challenge you to write down 10 things you can love on about your partner.

If you want to make your relationship stronger schedule your complimentary session today, https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching.

Live Positive My Friends!

Lost in Solicitous — March 15, 2018

Lost in Solicitous

 

Darkness, despair, lost, hopeless.

Can I ever please anyone?  Am I worthy of love? I try so hard to be perfect.  I will never be good enough.

Have you ever had these thoughts?  I have and more.

Looking at me from the outside you would have never guessed it.  I remember sitting at a stop light watching people walk in front of my car and wonder, “do they ever get panic attacks?”  “Do they know what it is like?”  Because you can never tell what someone is going through in their own mind.  I looked totally normal but never felt it.  I felt alone most of the time, I had one long time friend that I wouldn’t call, my husband and kids; other than that I closed out the world.

Anxiety was the reason.  I allowed it to take over who I was and what I was willing to do.  It was the boss, I wasn’t.  There was nothing I could do about it.  That was a lie.  Anxiety is completely within our own control.  Once you know what is causing it and solutions to it, anxiety can become something in the back of your mind instead of the front.

What causes anxiety?  Our thoughts.  I worried about everything.  How other people viewed me.  How they view my children.  Hurting my children’s feelings.  What could happen to my children.  Working and sending my kids to daycare.  Not working and staying home with them.  There was never a moment of peace in my mind.  That is what anxiety is; needless worrying.

How do you manage it?  Manage your thoughts.  If you don’t know what you are thinking it will be hard to manage anything.  So the first step is to look at what you are thinking.  Once you know the thoughts then place a value on the thought.  Use a scale from 1-10 how likely is it to happen.  Use 1 as not very likely and 10 very likely.  If it is less than an 8 let it go.  If it is a 9 or 10 figure out a solution to it.  What are you making it mean if it does happen?  Is it life threatening?  Most likely it isn’t.  Once you have given the thought perspective the anxiety will lessen or go away, until next time.

Remember this is about managing anxiety.  I am not a therapist or a doctor.  I am not promising anxiety will go away.  But I am a survivor and I have a completely different life today than I did even 3 years ago.

For more of my story check out my YouTube video.

 

 

If you struggle with anxiety and would like a complimentary Anxiety Management Session please click here or copy and paste into your browser, https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/anxiety-management-complimentary-session.

Live Positive My Friends.

Circumstances Are Neither Positive or Negative — February 1, 2018

Circumstances Are Neither Positive or Negative

Today I am going to talk about circumstances and how we, using our thoughts, make circumstances positive or negative.  Before I go into this too deep I want to say that even though it is up to us, there are some circumstances, that it is normal to choose to have a negative feeling.

What is a circumstance?  A circumstance is a fact.  Example: it is raining outside, my mother passed away, my boss said, “he is unsatisfied with my job performance”.  These are all facts that cannot be disputed.  The thoughts we have about these facts is what makes them positive in our life or negative.  If you enjoy the rain you are going to be happy and excited that it is raining and your thoughts will create that feeling.  The same actions take place with the other two facts.

The biggest thing I want to convey when I am writing this blog is not that you should always be positive, or that it is wrong if you are negative.  The main point is that if you choose to be negative or you choose to be positive, own it!  Do not live in a world where everything is happening to you, that you do not have any control over it.  Own that you are choosing to look at something in a negative light.  I would follow up with how choosing negative thoughts are serving you.  However, if it isn’t serving you but you are accepting that fact and claim it, then that is great.  Just don’t get stuck in a victim mentality.

In my podcast I share a couple of personal experiences and show how they can be viewed in a positive light.  I invite you to take a listen.

https://www.podbean.com/media/player/5wtn5-86351a?from=yiiadmin

Take your power and design your future!

Live Positive My Friends!

My Upcoming Move and the Yin and Yang Emotions — January 22, 2018

My Upcoming Move and the Yin and Yang Emotions

Happy Monday Everyone!

I have been feeling a wide range of emotions lately.  They range from happiness, love, gratitude, sadness, melancholy and anxiety.  Such a wide range of emotions, right?  Why would I choose to experience all these feelings?  It is because life is not about being happy all the time.  There are lower vibrations/feelings that are needed to be experienced to be a complete being.

My life is taking me on a journey back to Arizona.  With this move my life will experience excitement about being back in a warmer climate.  I will have new opportunities to work on my business and really reinvent myself, attract the clients that I know are out there and will benefit from what I have to offer.  But I will also be moving away from my children, my wonderful daughter-in-law to be, and my beautiful granddaughter.  My heart cries every time I think about being separated from them.

I could let these thoughts dictate my life.  Instead I am choosing to be in control of my life and my emotions.  So, I am allowing myself the time to feel the sadness and longing that will come when I move.  Because it demonstrates the love I have for them.  But then I get to move forward in the knowledge that with technology today I get to keep in touch with them.  And they are only an hour away when taking a plane or a day worth of driving by car.  Also, with the coming success of my business I will have the flexibility and financial freedom to be able to get to see them on a regular basis.

I have chosen to feel sadness, melancholy and anxiety, because this makes me a whole person not just someone that wants all the positive without the negative.  I don’t want to only be present in half of my life I want to be a better person my experiencing them all.  If you take one aha from this blog, it is that you get to choose which feelings you want to resist, accept or not have at all.

Live Positive My Friends!!

 

You Decide On Happy Ever After — January 16, 2018

You Decide On Happy Ever After

“Do not make it someone else’s responsibility to make you happy.” – Joanne Williams

The decision to love someone or not to love someone is in the control of the individual person.  I do not believe in the theory of falling in and out of love.  You can choose to love someone even if they do not love you back.  This is all in your power.

I hear a lot of couples say they love their partner because they make them happy.  This on the surface seems like a loving statement.  But when you look at it on a deeper level you are giving your power to someone else.  This is saying your happiness depends on someone else.  This is a victim mentality.

Why do I say that?  Because being happy is your responsibility.  You should not delegate that responsibility to someone else; whether it is your significant other, boss, or family relation.  You are the one in control of who you are.  Your partner’s actions cannot make you mad.  The thoughts you are having is creating you to be mad.  Your thought about what it is they did or didn’t do, is what is creating your feelings.  If they do something special for you, you create the thought that makes you happy, not their action.

Learning how to accept a person for who they are and let them be who they are without wanting to change them is your freedom.  This does not mean that you cannot have a conversation about your boundaries or what you would like.  But you shouldn’t make it mean something negative if they do not do what you want.  You cannot control others.

There is a difference between setting boundaries and verbalizing what you would appreciate your partner to do.  Unfortunately, this is a whole other blog.  Just remember you have the power to be happy in any relationship, any job, and in any situation.  Take full responsibility for your life.

Live Positive My Friends.

To book a mini coaching session on your relationship click here https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/30min