Live Positive Lifestyle Coaching, LLC

Live Life to the Fullest!!

Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse — July 19, 2018

Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse

As a teenage girl growing up in the 80’s it was pretty awesome.  There were a lot of independent role models.  The icons of the 80s were Madonna, Janet Jackson and Alyssa Milano to name a few.  These women were teaching us that we were strong, independent women who didn’t need men.  That we were in control.  However; those of us who were married were being taught that we were the ones in control and that everything is up to us.  And that means even the “chicka chicka boom boom”.

This philosophy may look good on paper and sound really empowering but this thinking, I believe, created a lot more dysfunctional marriages and broken homes.  Women decided that men were just another fixture only there for our needs.  No mention of their needs.

In the early 90s there was another icon I started listening to; that was Dr. Laura.  She taught me how important it was to want to have intimacy in my marriage.  Our spouses are not there to serve us.  They are there to be loved by us.  To care for them and respect them and appreciate who they are, not to change them.  Once we release the stress of wanting to control who they are and learn to love them, then the relationship can go so much further.

We do not only need to have sex when we feel like it.  What usually makes us not want to feel like it, is us.  We tell ourselves how tired we are, how busy we are, how unattractive we feel.  We fool ourselves into thinking that if we don’t feel like it, we don’t have to worry about our partner.  That is such a selfish thought.  Being close to your spouse in such an intimate manner is one of the blessing we have in life.  If you feel that you are telling yourself that you’re tired, that only you matter, etc., then you need to decide how important a happy marriage is to you.  If your spouse is wanting sex and at that particular time you aren’t feeling like it, then change your thoughts.  Put on music that makes you feel happy and sassy.  Dress up, do your hair and makeup.  If being funny and humorous can get you in the mood do that.  This will dramatically change your marriage.  If you don’t believe me; challenge yourself to try this over the next few months, but you will also have to change your thinking about your whole relationship no just when you are being intimate.

The status of your relationship is all in your mind.  If you want a fabulous relationship all you have to do is think it.

If you would like to experience a relationship coaching session click here to schedule – https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching.

Live Positive My Friends!!

Advertisements
Lessons Learned from My Divorce — July 6, 2018

Lessons Learned from My Divorce

I understand there are a lot of emotions that are swirling around like a hurricane in your mind and body when you are going through a divorce.  I have been there.  I was very emotional from being sad to being angry.   There was a lot of insecurity of what was next and a lot of fear of being on my own.

Now that I am years separated from my divorce I can look back and see the lessons that I have learned.  These lessons had more to do with me than him.  I never looked at my ex-husband with hate and vindictiveness.  I always looked at the divorce as we out grew our relationship.  I will have people who read this and will start giving reasons why their divorce is different than mine and will start giving me proof of why they hate their ex and how bad of a person he/she is or was to them.  I am not discrediting what happened in anyone’s life, but I will give to you the ability to be free from hating.  When you can look back and realize first off there was a time in your life that you loved this person who you now look at with disgust.  This feeling of disgust and anger is not affecting him/her, it is affecting you, and not in a good way.

Lesson #1:  Be responsible for your own feelings.  If you are feeling anger and hate in your body and mind this is being generated from you, not your ex-spouse, ex-partner or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.

The next part of this I want to share is the introspection I did on myself.  A relationship takes two people to create.  I can look back on my relationship and see where I could grow from how I conducted myself in the relationship.  Again, I am going to have people telling me their story of how their spouse cheated on them or how their spouse was abusive, etc.  I am not de-valuing what happened in your relationship.  But is there a way you could have handled it better for yourself, for your children (if it applies), is there something that you can take and grow as a person, without having the negative thoughts and feelings that are associated with your relationship.

Lesson #2: This lesson came from taking responsibility for my thinking and actions in the relationship.  I can now use this information today in every type of relationship I am apart of today.  I am not responsible for any other person’s feelings but my own.  I cannot control any other person but myself.  I start this lesson out with this statement because this was a biggest part of my marriage and my divorce.  I assumed my husband was unhappy and wasn’t communicating with me and these thoughts created a lot of frustration for me.  Here I was assuming what my husband was feeling, and even if he was unhappy it had more to do with him than me.  As far as him not being a person that I felt wasn’t a person that was able to communicate, I should have allowed him to be that person.  And last, his happiness had nothing to do with my happiness.  I learned I create my own reality.  As part of this lesson do not have expectations for your partner.  This is a big topic to get into in this blog but believe me it doesn’t help anyone to expect them to make you happy.

With all of that said.  If I would have concentrated on the part of life that I had complete control over, which was myself, I could have turned my marriage around.  I could have created what I perceived as an unhappy marriage to a happy marriage.  That doesn’t necessarily mean that we would have stayed together.  I don’t know what would have happened.  But I would have created a much more happy and peaceful part of my life.

I also look back and know that I do not regret my divorce because for one I can’t change it, and 2 I would not have grown into the person I am today.

Lesson #3: It only takes one person in the relationship to change to change the relationship.  I know you are saying to yourself, why should I change, and they don’t have to.  Because you are the one that controls you, and if you are the one seeing an issue, it is in your thoughts, maybe they aren’t seeing it.  They may be completely happy, and you should join them.

I want to leave you with this last thought.  No matter where you are in your divorce, never, never, never use your children against the other.  Do not talk about your spouse to your children in a negative way, and about your relationship.  Usually the children are too young to understand what is going on and it simply isn’t their business.  There is no upside to destroying a mother/father relationship for your child.

This topic is so huge that it will take multiple blogs to cover everything.  But this is a good start to use whether you are going through a divorce or in a relationship.  These lessons can help you no matter where you are in your relationship.

If you want to schedule a relationship coaching session click this link today https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching

Live Positive My Friends!!

Don’t Wish for Someone Else’s Life! — April 12, 2018

Don’t Wish for Someone Else’s Life!

Do you find yourself wanting to be Jennifer Aniston, Kim Kardashian, enter any celebrity’s name?  Do you find yourself DVRing a reality show based on someone else’s life?  If you answered yes to either of these questions I challenge you to ask yourself “Why?”

Why would you want to be someone else?  Why not just change who you are by changing your life?  Watching someone else live their life; whether it is scripted on some reality show or in some celebrity magazine, you are just seeing what sells.  You are not experiencing any of the challenges they may be going through.  I can tell you this their obstacles are as real for them as yours are for you.

I would like to offer to you that you work on how you feel about yourself and be the person that you can look at and say, “I want to be like me”.  Be the kind of person that creates the life you want.  Be proactive in creating your life, taking massive action.  If you aren’t living the life you want to live the responsibility only lays with you.

I look back on my life and I accept everything that has happened in it.  My life was pretty ordinary.  My family was poor and lived under the poverty line.  My mom took me to second had stores to get clothing for school.  I wore shoes with holes in them and hand me down clothes from my sister.  As a house hold there were times our utilities were shut off due to nonpayment.  We were a family that never experienced vacations and get to go places.  But my parents always woke up each day, went to work and worked hard.  I received my work ethic from my parents.  I don’t look back on my life and say I wish….   I used to.  But you know what that got me?  Nothing.  I couldn’t change who I was or how I grew up.  And to wish for that to be changed means I wish I was different today.  But I don’t.  I appreciate who I am today.

This acceptance in who I am, and my life isn’t just words that I am writing in a blog.  In accepting my life, I have put in a lot of hard work and effort to come to terms with my past.  I had self-esteem issues all my life and not working through the thoughts I was telling myself developed into an eating problem and a weight problem.  But as I am typing this today I accept where I am at with my confidence, my body and my weight.  With this acceptance comes all new kinds of possibilities for my future, for a new version of me that will blow my own mind.

I am happy to be me!

I want to invite you to schedule a coaching session with me to see how you can begin the work to accepting who you are and creating the life you want.  Don’t sit and wish to be someone else.

Click link to schedule your session, https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/complimentarysession.

Live Positive My Friends.

Lost in Solicitous — March 15, 2018

Lost in Solicitous

 

Darkness, despair, lost, hopeless.

Can I ever please anyone?  Am I worthy of love? I try so hard to be perfect.  I will never be good enough.

Have you ever had these thoughts?  I have and more.

Looking at me from the outside you would have never guessed it.  I remember sitting at a stop light watching people walk in front of my car and wonder, “do they ever get panic attacks?”  “Do they know what it is like?”  Because you can never tell what someone is going through in their own mind.  I looked totally normal but never felt it.  I felt alone most of the time, I had one long time friend that I wouldn’t call, my husband and kids; other than that I closed out the world.

Anxiety was the reason.  I allowed it to take over who I was and what I was willing to do.  It was the boss, I wasn’t.  There was nothing I could do about it.  That was a lie.  Anxiety is completely within our own control.  Once you know what is causing it and solutions to it, anxiety can become something in the back of your mind instead of the front.

What causes anxiety?  Our thoughts.  I worried about everything.  How other people viewed me.  How they view my children.  Hurting my children’s feelings.  What could happen to my children.  Working and sending my kids to daycare.  Not working and staying home with them.  There was never a moment of peace in my mind.  That is what anxiety is; needless worrying.

How do you manage it?  Manage your thoughts.  If you don’t know what you are thinking it will be hard to manage anything.  So the first step is to look at what you are thinking.  Once you know the thoughts then place a value on the thought.  Use a scale from 1-10 how likely is it to happen.  Use 1 as not very likely and 10 very likely.  If it is less than an 8 let it go.  If it is a 9 or 10 figure out a solution to it.  What are you making it mean if it does happen?  Is it life threatening?  Most likely it isn’t.  Once you have given the thought perspective the anxiety will lessen or go away, until next time.

Remember this is about managing anxiety.  I am not a therapist or a doctor.  I am not promising anxiety will go away.  But I am a survivor and I have a completely different life today than I did even 3 years ago.

For more of my story check out my YouTube video.

 

 

If you struggle with anxiety and would like a complimentary Anxiety Management Session please click here or copy and paste into your browser, https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/anxiety-management-complimentary-session.

Live Positive My Friends.

Circumstances Are Neither Positive or Negative — February 1, 2018

Circumstances Are Neither Positive or Negative

Today I am going to talk about circumstances and how we, using our thoughts, make circumstances positive or negative.  Before I go into this too deep I want to say that even though it is up to us, there are some circumstances, that it is normal to choose to have a negative feeling.

What is a circumstance?  A circumstance is a fact.  Example: it is raining outside, my mother passed away, my boss said, “he is unsatisfied with my job performance”.  These are all facts that cannot be disputed.  The thoughts we have about these facts is what makes them positive in our life or negative.  If you enjoy the rain you are going to be happy and excited that it is raining and your thoughts will create that feeling.  The same actions take place with the other two facts.

The biggest thing I want to convey when I am writing this blog is not that you should always be positive, or that it is wrong if you are negative.  The main point is that if you choose to be negative or you choose to be positive, own it!  Do not live in a world where everything is happening to you, that you do not have any control over it.  Own that you are choosing to look at something in a negative light.  I would follow up with how choosing negative thoughts are serving you.  However, if it isn’t serving you but you are accepting that fact and claim it, then that is great.  Just don’t get stuck in a victim mentality.

In my podcast I share a couple of personal experiences and show how they can be viewed in a positive light.  I invite you to take a listen.

https://www.podbean.com/media/player/5wtn5-86351a?from=yiiadmin

Take your power and design your future!

Live Positive My Friends!

My Upcoming Move and the Yin and Yang Emotions — January 22, 2018

My Upcoming Move and the Yin and Yang Emotions

Happy Monday Everyone!

I have been feeling a wide range of emotions lately.  They range from happiness, love, gratitude, sadness, melancholy and anxiety.  Such a wide range of emotions, right?  Why would I choose to experience all these feelings?  It is because life is not about being happy all the time.  There are lower vibrations/feelings that are needed to be experienced to be a complete being.

My life is taking me on a journey back to Arizona.  With this move my life will experience excitement about being back in a warmer climate.  I will have new opportunities to work on my business and really reinvent myself, attract the clients that I know are out there and will benefit from what I have to offer.  But I will also be moving away from my children, my wonderful daughter-in-law to be, and my beautiful granddaughter.  My heart cries every time I think about being separated from them.

I could let these thoughts dictate my life.  Instead I am choosing to be in control of my life and my emotions.  So, I am allowing myself the time to feel the sadness and longing that will come when I move.  Because it demonstrates the love I have for them.  But then I get to move forward in the knowledge that with technology today I get to keep in touch with them.  And they are only an hour away when taking a plane or a day worth of driving by car.  Also, with the coming success of my business I will have the flexibility and financial freedom to be able to get to see them on a regular basis.

I have chosen to feel sadness, melancholy and anxiety, because this makes me a whole person not just someone that wants all the positive without the negative.  I don’t want to only be present in half of my life I want to be a better person my experiencing them all.  If you take one aha from this blog, it is that you get to choose which feelings you want to resist, accept or not have at all.

Live Positive My Friends!!

 

My Special Gift — January 15, 2018

My Special Gift

Happy Monday.  I want to use my blog not to just promote my business, which I think is a pretty awesome service, but also to promote myself.  To get people to know me as a person.  Making friends is just as important to me as helping people. Even if you never use my services I would love to get to know you.

So, to start off every week I am committed to sharing something about myself and who I am.  My blog today is sharing an event that just recently happened.  I was talking to a co-worker last week about this event and it was an aha moment for me.

This has to do with the passing of my mother on Christmas day.  My co-worker had expressed the thought of not seeing Christmas in a bad light because that was the day my mother passed.  My response to her encouraging words was that I do not look at it as a negative or sad event.  I am truly blessed to have been with my mom on Christmas day and my sister when my mother passed on.

This to me is truly a special moment that I will always get to treasure.  She knows how special she is to me and that I loved her dearly.  Christmas to me will always be a gift that was given to me that I will never forget.

I hope you all enjoyed this blog, now go out and Live Positive.