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Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse — July 19, 2018

Girl Talk: Intimacy with Your Spouse

As a teenage girl growing up in the 80’s it was pretty awesome.  There were a lot of independent role models.  The icons of the 80s were Madonna, Janet Jackson and Alyssa Milano to name a few.  These women were teaching us that we were strong, independent women who didn’t need men.  That we were in control.  However; those of us who were married were being taught that we were the ones in control and that everything is up to us.  And that means even the “chicka chicka boom boom”.

This philosophy may look good on paper and sound really empowering but this thinking, I believe, created a lot more dysfunctional marriages and broken homes.  Women decided that men were just another fixture only there for our needs.  No mention of their needs.

In the early 90s there was another icon I started listening to; that was Dr. Laura.  She taught me how important it was to want to have intimacy in my marriage.  Our spouses are not there to serve us.  They are there to be loved by us.  To care for them and respect them and appreciate who they are, not to change them.  Once we release the stress of wanting to control who they are and learn to love them, then the relationship can go so much further.

We do not only need to have sex when we feel like it.  What usually makes us not want to feel like it, is us.  We tell ourselves how tired we are, how busy we are, how unattractive we feel.  We fool ourselves into thinking that if we don’t feel like it, we don’t have to worry about our partner.  That is such a selfish thought.  Being close to your spouse in such an intimate manner is one of the blessing we have in life.  If you feel that you are telling yourself that you’re tired, that only you matter, etc., then you need to decide how important a happy marriage is to you.  If your spouse is wanting sex and at that particular time you aren’t feeling like it, then change your thoughts.  Put on music that makes you feel happy and sassy.  Dress up, do your hair and makeup.  If being funny and humorous can get you in the mood do that.  This will dramatically change your marriage.  If you don’t believe me; challenge yourself to try this over the next few months, but you will also have to change your thinking about your whole relationship no just when you are being intimate.

The status of your relationship is all in your mind.  If you want a fabulous relationship all you have to do is think it.

If you would like to experience a relationship coaching session click here to schedule – https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching.

Live Positive My Friends!!

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The Makings of a Great Relationship. — July 13, 2018

The Makings of a Great Relationship.

Marriage is not always sunshine and roses.  Neither was it meant to be.  Just like in life there is going to be positive and negative.  What makes a good marriage is working through the negative and accepting the it.  Understanding what is making it negative.  What is making it negative or bad is the thinking you have behind it.

I am on my second marriage and I choose to be happy in this marriage.  Not by making up things that don’t exist but by not making him be the person I want him to become.  I married him because I love who he is, why would I want to change that?

Just the other night there was a topic that I enjoy discussing but he doesn’t really want to talk about it.  I could have made a big deal about it and made him feel bad for not feeling my need to express myself.  I could have used this moment to criticize and point out all the things he is doing wrong.  But you know what, there isn’t anything he is doing wrong.

I am letting him be him.  I could choose to look at my marriage and my husband and find everything that I believe to be wrong with him or I could look at my marriage and my husband and see everything that is right about him.

The next time you are feeling like your spouse/partner is not living up to what you thought marriage would be, look at your thoughts you are having and do a love fest on them.  What do I mean by a love fest?  Write down everything you love about your spouse/partner and you will feel a change in how you feel and the direction of your marriage.

Here is my love fest on my husband:

  • I love the way he is concerned about my feelings (even though he has not control) 😊
  • I love the way he laughs
  • I love the effort he puts in with caring for our dogs and making sure they have good nutrition
  • I love his body
  • I love how he smells
  • I love how he takes care of himself and takes pride in the way he looks
  • I love how he takes care of my vehicle for me
  • I love how he makes sure I get to visit my children
  • I love the he snuggles with me
  • I love how he still opens the door for me

I could go on and on, but you understand what a love fest is, and I challenge you to write down 10 things you can love on about your partner.

If you want to make your relationship stronger schedule your complimentary session today, https://calendly.com/livepositivelc/relationship-coaching.

Live Positive My Friends!